Psalms 34:4- I sought the Lord, and He answered me and delivered me from all my fears.
Isaiah 41:10- Fear not, for I am with you: be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
What is fear? Webster defines it as “an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger; anxious concern.
I have never heard anyone describe fear as fun. It is intense, all-consuming, and can become paralyzing and debilitating if you allow it. I wish I could say that I do not struggle with fear and when I do that I easily hand it over to the Lord. HA. That is so far from the truth. Sometimes my fears and anxieties take control and it takes hours/days to calm them down.
When that starts to happen I switch into control mode. I do everything to control my situation (i.e. self protection, push people away, demand things from my husband and kids, bury myself in work, eat too much or too little). The thing is none of that ever fixes the situation. It’s like trying to juggle all these balls to keep up appearances and my own sanity…. but what happens when they all fall?
I was pelted with the balls I had been juggling on Friday, January 3rd and all the control I “thought” I had was completely taken away from me and there I stood stripped bare, scared, lost, broken, disappointed, angry, lonely, and full of FEAR. In all my controlling behavior I left out someone very important.. GOD. Had He left me? No. Had He forsaken me? No. I had left Him behind trying to handle it all on my own.
I was a mess and had so many decisions to make. I was surrounded by well meaning people giving me lots of advice but I still was so unclear on what direction to go. I remember climbing into bed Saturday, January 4th, sobbing and crying out to the Lord for help. I told Him I desperately needed clarity and guidance on my families future and that I could not do this without Him.
Praise The Lord. He answered me. The next morning I woke up with such clarity. I had no doubt who had me in His hand and what He wanted from me and what He was going to do in my family. When I say clear…. It was crystal clear. Was I still fearful? Of course!! There were so many unknowns and there still is. Sometimes those unknowns are honestly overwhelming but…. I know who holds my hand and my future.
He didn’t promise this would be easy but He asked me to trust Him through this process and to continue turning my fears and anxieties over to Him. So I am. I am the one who failed Him. He hasn’t failed me yet and He never will.
What fears are you facing? Are you trying to handle them yourself as well? Take a moment to cry out to Him and turn them over. We are not meant to carry them alone.
Psalm 56:3- When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.
Loving in recovery,
Melody Kesselring
Recovery Take 2 